My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
