It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
