Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
