Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
