My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
This couple is walking their pig around campus
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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