I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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