well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
