smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
