big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
