1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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