I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
