I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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