I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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