My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
