she looked like the before picture.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
