Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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