Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
