So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
