Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
