ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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