ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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