Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
