so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
