Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
