She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
