i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I believe in your delicious
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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