bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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