I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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