I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
