i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
