well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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