Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
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