dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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