so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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