she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I currently don't understand fingers.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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