if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
