how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
