im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize