Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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