So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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