I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Randomize
