I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
