Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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