i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
