apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Girls should come with a carfax report
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
