Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
soo... how was my night?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
