What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
