so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
