just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
