dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
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