is your mom at the bar?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
