Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I've blown a few things in my day
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
