I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize