Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
