I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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