i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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