There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I want to fling myself into the sun
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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