I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize