I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Randomize
