it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
