So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
