Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
