Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
