He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He felt like a one man threesome
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
