you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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