True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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