i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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