At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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