I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
