There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize