I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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