I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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