And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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