Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
