you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
