In the future we'll all be gay
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
