Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I understand Curling. That high.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
