I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Randomize
