I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
