Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
