so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
