i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
