On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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