i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Randomize
