we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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