So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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