i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
