You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize