My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
