No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
