I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
