Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
