Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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