im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
