mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
