Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
