Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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