I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
