um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
