So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Everclear isn't food dammit
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize