I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
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