You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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