We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
