I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
