No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
