the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
