I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
