Just fell off a train. Bad.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize