I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
