He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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