mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
