True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
