Don't you send me to vm
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize